Stepping Out
by chronicallycontrite
Summary: AU with some original characters. Ashley and Kate are best friends. Rachel Ashley's ex shows up at Kate's door. Can their friendship survive? Ashley has given up on falling in love. Will a few pushes from friends and 1 Spencer C. changer her outlook?
1. Not what it looks like

_**This starts off in Kate's pov. Chapter seven is the beginning of Ashley's pov. So if you want to skip Kate's intro and get straight to splashy head to chapter seven. **  
_

My alarm chirps at me annoyingly. I roll over to hit the snooze button. My elbow comes down on soft flesh instead of the mattress. There's a sharp grunt fallowed by a moan.

"Sorry," I whisper, suddenly remembering I am not alone.

I carefully position myself over Rachel to shut off the clock. Alarm silenced, I shift to resume my place next to her in bed. Her arms lace themselves gently around the small of my back softly halting my movement.

"Mmmm,"She groans, "Is that the way you wake up all your guests?"

"Did I hurt you?" I reply.

I shift to my elbows to support my weight. I can feel a flame of warmth start to spread through me.

"No, just startled me," Rachel responds. Her dark sparkling eyes meet mine and a sweet smile plays across her lips, reassuring me. Feeling a bit out of sorts due to our close proximity, I make a move to get out of bed. Her hands slide back to the mattress without protest.

"Breakfast?" I ask, as I head to the bathroom. Rachel nods and stretches. I bump into the door frame; my eyes are unwilling to leave the arching form on the bed. 'Beautiful' is my only thought. Rachel must have heard the thud my head made on the frame. Her eyes open and she gives me a knowing smile. Clearing my throat, I avert my eyes from her attractive form.

"There's a robe on the back of the bedroom door, if you want to use it. After breakfast, I can take you to your place, if you are up for it?"

Hearing no reply I enter the bathroom. After quickly doing my mourning routine, I exit the bathroom to find Rachel still laying in my bed, propped up on an elbow, brown eyes on me, and a mischievous smile on her beautiful lips. My eyes travel down her petite frame. I blush when I realize I'm openly ogling her.

" I can lend you some clothes. You'll need something to wear, right?" I ask awkwardly, heading to my closet.

I doubt that anything I have will fit her, but the sight of her lying in my bed was making my insides flutter. I had to escape.

I am an athletic five foot nine, and she is a mere five foot four, so I settle on trying to find her some running shorts. I dress myself in a pair of stressed low riders and a tight tee that shows the tiniest bit of my midriff. Sliding on my favorite Chucks, I pick up the running shorts and slinky tank that I grabbed for Rachel. It was similar to what she had worn to bed last night. Anything of mine without a draw string will fall off her tiny body. Rachel's no longer in bed. The sound of the shower running piques my curiosity. Just beyond the bathroom door is a very naked Rachel. Her head is tipped back as water cascades down her slender form. My body reacts with a shiver, snapping me out of my inappropriate thoughts. I set her change of cloths on the freshly made bed, and head for the kitchen.

Just two days ago, Rachel was my best friend's fiancé. Are Rachel and Ashley even officially done? I know that last night Rachel said it was over, but she was hurt, and when we're hurt, emotions rage making rational thought almost impossible. When people have a chance to calm down and talk, situations can change. I remind myself of that while setting the omelet fixings on the counter next to the stove.

Letting out a deep sigh, I remove my omelet pan from the hanging rack over the kitchen island. Turning back to the stove, I flip the knob to hear the familiar click, click, click and then the whoosh of the pilot igniting the gas.

Cooking has always had a calming effect on me. I can remember as early as age seven, our maid, Patrice, would find me in front of the stove preparing breakfast. I smile at a particularly fond memory of my mother cursing as she tripped over the foot stool I used to have to stand on to cook. Weekend mornings were always a disoriented dash for the coffee maker for my parents. They were almost always nursing hangovers from the previous night's festivities. My parents routinely either held parties or attended them. My father is and executive at Witman and Myers. A leading brokerage firm in New York. His job gave me a comfortable childhood, but it never granted me attentive parents.

I set the flame to low and break the eggs into a bowl. Whisking absent mindedly, I let the memory distract me. My mother's wiry figure cursing in Russian as Patrice quickly tried to remove the stool, only to be cursed at and threatened with termination if she ever allowed it happen again. Looking back, I think perhaps I intentionally left the stool there to remind my parents that they had a child. I shake the thought away. Who knows what goes on in a seven year olds' mind?

Setting a tab of butter in the pan, I turn to chop the mushrooms and onion. I try to process my reaction to Rachel this morning.

I've always found Rachel attractive. Even from the first moment when I saw her sitting across the bar. I have to admit I was jealous when Ashley got her attention before I could. If Ashley and Rachel hadn't been dating, I could have pursued her, but they were together. So I humbly settled for being Rachel's friend.

Turning back to the stove, I place the mushrooms and onion I chopped into the pan and turn the heat up too medium. Within seconds, they begin to sizzle.

I thought I was over my attraction to Rachel, but my body's reaction to her this morning is making me doubt my progress. I'll just have to start imagining her making out with Janet Reno again. That pretty much always works.

I turn to the coffee pot, and flip the switch. Soon the alluring smell of freshly brewed coffee fills the kitchen. I place two slices of sour dough bread into the toaster, and press the lever down.

I need to focus. My friendship with Rachel is too important. I can't risk losing it. I choose to leave Ashley out of the equation at the moment. After what she did to Rachel, I'm too angry to factor in my loyalty to Ash. I let out a long sigh. Who am I kidding? Ashley's feelings have, and will always be part of the equation, no matter how angry I am at her.

I turn the burner back on low and pour the eggs over the now properly sautéed mushrooms and onions. I sprinkle on the cheese, and finish with a few leaves of freshly chopped basil.

Rachel enters the kitchen freshly showered and dressed in the clothes I set on my bed. Her dark-brown hair is damp, and curly. I quickly pull a picture of Janet Reno into my mind. Rachel reaches up lovingly to play with Janet's sagging neck. I shiver, adequately repulsed. Inwardly I praise Janet for her ability to help out in situations like these.

"Anything I can help with?" she asks me.

"No, thanks," I respond a little too quickly.

Rachel raises a questioning brow. I wisely ignore it. The toast pops up. I quickly go to butter it. I pull down two plates from the cabinet and I put one peace of toast on each plate. I reach in a second time and pull out two mugs.

"Juice?" I ask her, and Rachel sakes her head no.

I pour us each a cup of coffee, and grab the creamer from the fridge, setting it down next to her. She smiles her thanks. I turn the stove off, and break the omelet in two. I set half of it on her plate and half on mine. Grabbing forks and napkins, I slide our plates to the other side of the island. I quickly take care of my cutting board and pan.

"Smells great," she says while heavily dousing her coffee with creamer.

"That my dear, is because you had absolutely nothing to do with creating it," I state, attempting to cut through the unease I feel. She plays up a hurt expression.

"I can cook, you know," she states indignantly.

I smile, unable to stop the giggle that slips past my lips. Only twice have I allowed myself to be subjected to Rachel's cooking. The first time, I ended up with food poisoning. The second, the roast was so badly over cooked that even a pack of ravenous wolves would have found it inedible.

She shoots me a glare and I can barely stifle my laughter. Averting my eyes, my smile remains as I sip my coffee. I am drawn back to Rachel's features when she releases a low moan. I quietly observe her as she slowly chews her first bite of breakfast. Before she has a chance to ask I say, "smoked Gouda." I place a piece of my omelet on my toast, and take a bite.

"It's so gooda," Rachel states reverently. I snicker at her melodramatics. Just like that, the tension eases. We finish eating in a companionable silence.

"Kate?" she asks as we were cleaning up after. I turn to her. She is standing next to the dishwasher her eyes not meeting mine.

"Thanks for last night. I know it must be awkward with Ashley being your best friend. I'm sorry for putting you in the middle of…" She trails off quietly, insecurely avoiding my eyes.

"You're my friend, Rache. I'm here for you, whenever, wherever, however you need me. Your friendship means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me, " I finish softly. The realization of what I said sinks in. I just vocalized that Rachel means a lot to me. It didn't stay hidden in my mind like I usually demand. It slid its way out with my vow of friendship.

Rachel's eyes finally meet mine. A single tear slides down her cheek. She attempts to smile in appreciation. I reach over the open dishwasher and brush it away. My hand lingers on her cheek cupping it. Our eyes stay locked. I feel my stomach tighten. Her eyes travel to my lips, and back up. Suddenly I'm overtaken by guilt as Ashley's, resonates through me. I let my hand drop, backing away. My arms cross protectively over my chest as I lean back against the counter. Did we really almost kiss? I can't help the feelings of shame that engulf me. I almost betrayed my best friend.

Her moaning, "Ash," fills the silence. My eyes wander to the ceiling. I hear the dish washer door shut, and looking back down I find that I'm alone.


	2. Midget Wrestling

We were both quiet on the way to Ashley and Rachel's apartment. The bright June sun pushes through the fluffy clouds promising brighter days. The trees of Central park are beginning to bud, filling the populous with the exciting promise of new beginnings. The grass has joined in shedding the dreary brown of fall, now taking on a bright vibrant optimistic green. Even surrounded by all this beauty and vitality. I find myself uncertain. A part of me wanting to get caught up in bustling activity, that only the invigorating presence of spring can bring. Another part of me split between worrying about Ashley's reaction to Rachel staying at my place, and the feelings I thought I was long over. I was so caught up in my thoughts I didn't catch all of Rachel's question.

"What?" I questioned dazedly shaking myself out of an internal dilemma. Rachel turns toward me. My mind grasps at her words. Ashley and love are all I can remember.

"Are you? Still, with her?" Her question catches me off guard. I know she's talking about Ashley, but the finer details elude me. I decide to play dumb. What sometimes it works.

"Who?" I ask. I feel her eye's role more than I see them.

"Ashley. Are you in- " I cut Rachel off. I have a feeling I know where this is going, and I am not ready or willing to choose sides. I don't want to give up either of my friends, but my loyalty to Ashley is unquestionable. I decide to be honest. Hopefully Rachel wont be to disappointed that I don't plan on taking sides.

"Yes." I let out in a long breath. A side glance confirms what her catch of breath already told me. Rachel feels affronted. Feelings of panic flood my inside. Part of me wants to slam on the breaks and beg her forgiveness promising to never hurt her again. Why am I feeling like this? How is she controlling my emotions? Is it her sad eyes? Her pouty lips? I have to get a hold of myself. 'Janet Reno naked and sitting next to me. I let out a repulsive shiver, and collect my thoughts.

"She been everything to me, for the last ten years Rache. She is the one person. She's my best friend."

Even if all I can think about right now, is how I would like to knock some sense into Ashley. She will always be a important part of my life. Ashley's my rock. She stood by my side when my parents turned their back. She was the recipient of my first apology in rehab. Ashley went in to business with me when my parent refused to help their ex-drug-addicted daughter fulfill her dream of opening a club.

Rachel's sigh fogs up her window. Making a quick decision. I choose to pull into the next parking lot.

"Why are you stopping?" I put the car in park and take the keys out of the ignition. Stepping out of the car, I head over to the passenger door. She hasn't moved. I open her door.

"It's a beautiful morning. I thought we could take a walk". Rachel is staring at me like I have two heads. I grab her hands, and pull her from the car. Her facial expression doesn't change. 'Two heads it is.' I think to myself with a smile.

"I want to explain some things, but I didn't want to have this, conversation in the car."

"You'd rather have it, in a parking lot?"She sounds irritated. My smile widens.

"No there's a park just down those steps over there." I say pointing "I jog here on weekends." Looking back at her I see that not only do I still have two heads but, I just grew a third nipple. I hide a chuckle by clearing my throat.

"I thought we could walk and talk?"My tone is hopeful.

Rachel shakes her head, as if shaking off an undesirable thought. She doesn't respond, just begins walking toward the steps. I catch up with her quickly giving her a sideways glance.

She doesn't appear happy. I of course blame my third nipple. We walk down the steps and hit the trail. Rachel speedy steps contradict the casual stroll I had envisioned.

"I thought you wanted to talk" she says bitingly

"I do" I breathe "I'm just not used to talking, while speed walking." She doesn't slow down.

"Rachel. What's wrong?" She ignores me.

"I thought a walk was a good idea. If you didn't feel like it, you could have just said so" Not much talking is going to happen at this pace.

Rachel responds by increasing her pace. I typically jog at the pace she is walking. Honestly I don't know how her shorter legs can move that fast, and still maintain a walking posture. Internally impressed, I stop walking to let her know I am through chasing after her. I don't know what I did to piss her off. Did she really expect me to turn on my best friend of the last ten years, because Ashley cheated?

"We don't have to talk, if you don't want to. I didn't stop here for a workout so you go ahead. I'll meet you by the steps." I say coming to the decision that if that is what she wants. I can't give that to her.

Heading back to the steps at a casual pace, I make it about ten yards when I feel Rachel come up beside me. She grabs my arm to get me to stop. She is standing in front of me, in the cloths I gave her this morning. Breathing heavily, her cheeks slightly flushed. There are only two words to describe her beautiful, and angry.

"How could you?" she breaths out. I raise an eyebrow and give her a confused look.

"How could I, what" She sits down on a near by bench.

"We've been friends for a year Kate. At least I thought we were. What you said back at your apartment.. You admitted it in the car... You want to talk, and now your acting ignorant." My brain is quickly trying to put the puzzle that has just been thrown at me together. When she sees my confused look, she growls. Yes growls. Like what she just said is not enough of a riddle.

My libido is screaming 'get a whip' but my brain is scared she might bite. Always a cautious person I take a step back and put my hands up.

"Rache I am so confused right now I honestly have no idea what you're talking about." I sit down on the bench, keeping adequate space between us. Didn't I just tell her how much her friendship means to me? How much she means to me.

."Please help me to understand because-" I stop myself because she is up now, and beginning to pace.

My eyes fallow her. Despite its inappropriateness. A soft smile creeps onto my face. I can't help it. She looks so cute pacing back in forth, in a size too big pair of shorts and tank. Suddenly I understand her reluctance to exit my car. She is wearing a dress pair of sandals. I begin to chuckle. Imagining, what she must have looked like speed walking. She instantly stops pacing, her eyes communicate my pending death.

Trying to hold in my laughter, I place my hand over my mouth and advert my eyes. When I think, I can handle it. I chance a glance at her. She is giving me the stink eye. Tears begin to stream down my cheeks. My face no doubt is beet red. She has her hands on her hips and is tapping a sandaled foot.

I snort. Her posture is authoritative. Completely contradicting her 'what not to wear exterior'. Last nights, and this morning's drama, has my body demanding some form of emotional release. When I begin laughing. It hurts. I've put it off so long that it comes out wheezy. I'm having a hard time catching my breath. Rolling to my side. I struggle to control my laughter. At least long enough to apologize, but I can't get any words out. Tears stream down my face. Rachel's face changes over from anger to shock. Indicating her belief that I have finally gone crazy. She will never speak to me again and then through my laughter I hear it.

I hear her begin to giggle. My body relaxes enough for my lungs to pull in some much needed air. We laugh together for a few minutes. When we gain control of ourselves, I sit up on the bench and in turn she sits down. She lets out a long sigh. I do the same wiping my eyes. We stare off into the distance gathering our thoughts.

"She's my best friend Rache. I know what she did was wrong, but please don't ask me to pick a side. I can't. I care about you both too much." I look at her. I need her to understand. Tears well up, in the corners of her eyes.

" I know Kate, I know." She smiles breaking eye contact with me and we both look back out across the park. After a few minutes of quietly sitting I ask.

" How about we try that walk again?" I shoot her my best grin.

She meets my eyes and nods yes. We both stand up and begin to walk. I want to explain. I want for her to understand what Ashley means to me. I don't know how much of our past Ashley has shared. I observe her as we walk. Rachel has the saddest look on her face, and I can't find it in myself to let it stay there. I need to see her smiling again. More than I need to explain. So I avoid Ashley and I, and come up with a plan, to get what I selfishly crave.

" I've been meaning to ask you." I don't continue until she is looking at me again. I give her my most serious face. " Where do midgets, like your self, shop?" She looks at me confused and then smiles slightly, hitting me on the arm. I fain a pained expression.

" I 'm not going to dignify that, with an answer" she responds in mock snootiness.

" Tell me the truth. Is this the first time you've worn adult clothing?" I ask remaining serious. Her smile spreads, she roles her eyes and I can tell we're okay. I can breath again. That smile just gave me permission.

"Not all of us can be amazonian perfection." She states, flirtatiously. Rachel feeding my ego. I love it.

I give her a saucy smile in return.

"Tis true tis true" I sigh playfully. She nudges me with her shoulder. "You planning any midget wrestling when we get to your place?" I jest.

"No. Why?" She responds apprehensively, but smile still in place

"If you were I was going to be nice and offer to buy oil for the event." My offer gets me a giggle and another shoulder smack.

"You're such an ass."Rachel responds fondly. I blush as her warm smile washes over me. A single thought grounding me. I'd let her call me an ass every day of my life if her saying it made her face light up the way it just did.


	3. Fallen Angel

We pull up to Rachel and Ashley's place laughing and smiling. The sad sighs from earlier a distant memory.

"Lets go get your dwarf belonging." I say with a smile.

" You know, you really need some new material." She says with yet another eye role. I give her a questioning look.

She just laughs. Exiting my car. I kill the engine and am quick to fallow. We make our way through the lobby. She calls for the elevator and I take the stairs. When I reach the fourth floor, I find her leaning against the wall waiting for me.

"You are so weird. You're the only person I know that refuses to ride in an elevator." My answer to her teasing is a cheesy smile. I don't take the stairs because I'm claustrophobic, or because I'm afraid of plummeting to my death. I take the stairs because I feel lazy taking the elevator in a building that has less than eight floors, and fear of being seen as lazy motivates me more than my friends mocking my odd behavior.

"Ready" I say when she hesitates with the key in the door. She turns and looks me in the eye

"Not even close." She says. Turning the key and opening the door.

I follow her in and shut the door behind us. I texted Ashley before we left. Not expecting, but hoping she would leave before Rachel arrived. True to Ashley form she's here and so is the girl she was caught with last night. They're sitting across from each other at the counter dressed in robes, sipping coffee. Rachel freezes. Her eyes locked on the couple, as they flirtatiously drink from their mugs. She looks so hurt I can't help but rage inside at Ashley's lack of tact. I feel like growling out of anger. I know I don't need to explain to Ash how I feel about the situation she can tell by my expression, but I chose to, regardless.

"What The Fuck Is Wrong With YOU?" I hiss out loudly. Ashley's companion turns to me with startled eyes. Then Ashley snorts peevishly.

"I could ask you the same thing." Ashley snipes back. I shot her a menacing glare. I know what she is insinuating. Ashley crosses her arms in front of herself and quirks an eyebrow. When she sees my shocked and slightly guilty expression. Then I realize I haven't done anything wrong this time. I shake my head in negations steeling my gaze on her once again, and Ashley nods in understanding. Her eyes softening slightly. It hurts a little that Ashley could think that something might have happened between Rachel and I last night. Our quiet exchange is not missed by her blond guest.

"Coffee Rache?" Ashley asks indifferently picking up the carafe. Trying to coax Rachel out of her shocked state. Rachel doesn't budge. Still too shaken up to even blink or move her mouth in anyway other than the shocked O it is presently in. She is staring at her robe which is at this moment being worn by the blond that she caught Ashley with last night. I shoot a death glare at said girl. She responds with uneasily clearing her throat.

"Ashley are these friends of yours?" Blondy asks in a uncertain tone. Ashley returns her gaze to last nights conquest.

"Something like that." Ashley says with a smile. Causing me to cringe a bit. I don't know why I feel suddenly like I have done something wrong, but I do. I feel guilty for opening my door to Rachel last night.

"Oh how rude of me. You are all waiting for introductions. Amy, I would like you to meet my best friend Kate, and the one that looks like she just walked in on her girlfriend having an affair, is my, as of last night, ex-fiancee Rachel." Indifference lacing every word. She sets the coffee carafe back down.

"Maybe another time huh Rache." Ashley says referring to the coffee. Okay as her best friend I think I can safely say Ashley is out for blood this morning. I have no idea what has her feeling so justified, but it is obvious there is more than last night going on here.

Amy looks between the three of us in disbelief. Then stands up from her stool and walks quickly toward the bedroom.

"Well she took that better than I expected. You think I'll still get the digits Katie?" Ashley asks facetiously. Taking another sip of coffee. She turns her attention back to Rachel setting her cup on the counter.

"Sorry about your robe Rache. I'll replace it. It wasn't my idea. When I woke up this morning, she already had it on." She sifts her gaze from me to Rachel as she speaks. Amy exits the bedroom hopping into a shoe. She shoots a glare at Ashley as she storms toward the door.

"Call me. If you're ever in the mood for a repeat." Ashley calls. Making no attempt to stop Amy from leaving. Ashley's eyes never adverting, from their scrutiny of Rachel.

"Fuck off Ashley"Amy pauses in front of Rachel whispering something to her. The slamming of the door emphasizing her departure. The loud bang seemed to snap Rachel out of her shock.

" I'm just going to grab a few things Kate. I'll worry about the rest another time." Rachel says making her way to the bed room. She pauses at the open door.

"Oh yeah sorry about the bed I haven't had a chance to make it yet" Ashley admits nonchalantly, turning her gaze back to me. I had expected Ashley to be contrite this morning. I had thought this was a drunken mistake on Ashley's part. What I realize now is that I have no idea what has been going on between Ashley and Rachel. I do know that Ashley is not the vengeance type so what ever is going on has her acting out of character. My mind is racing with possibilities of what could cause Ashley to go off the deep end.

"Rache hates it when the last person out of bed doesn't make it. Don't yah Rache." Ashley's patronizing tone hits home. Rachel's body jerks, but she doesn't reply. She just heads into the bedroom slamming the door. I jump slightly and grimace.

"Well thank the gods for that. I thought that stupid look was never going to come off your face." I don't respond to her baiting instead I iterated my previous question.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? This isn't you Ash. You're not cruel." I grind out. Anger, and confusion prominent in my voice. Ashley shrugs her shoulders just barely holding it together.

"If you haven't figured it out yet Katie." She cuts herself off, and for the first time I hear the pain in her voice. I see it, in her eyes.

My anger vanishes, when I see her fight back tears. I move to come around the counter but her raised hand stops me. I plead with her to explain.

"Ash, talk to me."

The sound of the bedroom door opening draws her eyes from mine. Ashley turns her back to me. A few heart beats later she turns back around. As if by the flick of a light switch the pained look is gone, and indifference takes its place.

"Can I talk to Ashley alone for a minute Kate?" Rachel's eyes look pained, but her features hard.

" I'll meet you in the car Rache." I turn to Ashley " Will you be at the SPAZ later?" For a split second she meets my eyes before looking down at the tiled floor. Spaz is the name of the club Ashley and I Co-own. It is named in memory of Ashley child hood best friend. Her beloved cat Spazzy Spazerson.

"Yeah, I'll be there for my shift." I nod my head and walk to the door. When I reach it, I turn back to Rachel. Making sure she is all right. She gives me a week smile in thanks.

I exit their apartment. Every part of me confused, as I head to my car. Obviously, there was a lot more than Ashley's cheating going on. I feel like such an idiot. For the last year I've regarded them as the perfect couple. Never once allowing myself to see anything else.

Rachel returned home last night with a bottle of wine and bouquet of flowers. To find Ashley fucking blondy, (sorry Amy) on the dinning room table, of their studio apartment.

That was all Rachel had to say. When she showed up at my place last night, drunk off her ass. Asking if she could stay until she found a new place. How could I refuse her. She looked so destroyed.

After several attempts at contacting Ashley, and getting sent to voice mail. I assumed her actions were the result of excessive alcohol and a overly flirtatious fluesy. This may have happened to have been the cause of a few of my own pre-rehab breakups in the past. So I could relate, but I couldn't relate to stepping out on someone as perfect as Rachel. Unfortunately I expressed this when I left a message on Ashley's phone. In hind sight I should have asked more questions instead jumping to the conclusion that this was Ashley's fault. I felt anger flare in me toward myself. How could I do that to Ashley. She had always given me the benifit of hearing my side of thing before passing judgement. I let her down last night, and today.

I left Rache in the guest room to sleep off the alcohol. After she had cried her last tears. An hour later I woke to her sneaking into my bed. I said nothing. Just opened my arms and let her snuggle in. Holding her as she cried herself to sleep. I would be lying if I told you that holding Rachel had only been about comforting her, that my heart rate hadn't picked up when I felt her breath on my neck.

I don't know why Ashley acted the way she did this morning, and I am not justifying her behavior. I am just not willing to judge her without knowing the whys. Ashley's may be a bit tactless and seem immature in her actions, but rarely is her behavior as selfish and shallow as it appears.

Torn between arguably the two most important women in my life. My best friend the one person I trust and rely on, and Rachel who has some strange effect over my emotions, that I have yet to find the cure for. I decide to step back. If I get involved. I risk losing one or both of them. I can't let that happen. I begin taking the steps two at a time. I will legally change my name to Switzerland if necessary.


	4. Waking up and realizing you're an ass

_**Authors Notes:**_

_I appreciate those of you that are giving this fic. a chance. Feel free to comment. Good or bad. I would like you input. If enough of you think this should not be a AU fic.,but a original with a splashley crossover I will move it. Ashley's perspective will slowly come into play over the next few chapters before becoming the main pov. Spencer, is a few chapters from entering the picture. As always thank you for reading._

**X represents changing pov. For those of you that appreciate pov. markers. **

**Xxx will represent passage of time.**

Sitting in my car I am trying to figure out what it is Rachel has done to me. What she did that makes it impossible to imagine my life without Rachel in it. This should be an easy decision Ashley is my best friend. Rachel is her ex. End of story. I let my mind wanders back to the first time I met Rachel. I remember the butterflies, and my sweaty palms. Then Ashley told me she was going to ask her out. I can still feel the horrible tightening in my chest that fallowed that statement. I can feel it. Because the knot in my chest is still there. It never left.

I was a coward then, and I still am. I could have told Ash about my feelings. She would have understood, but I didn't. Instead I had gushed about how perfect they looked together, on their second date. I smiled, and told Rachel that I had never seen Ashley so into anyone, on their one month anniversary.

I could feel a part of me die, a little every time I saw them kiss, and snuggle into my couch on movie nights. I kept it to myself. Making excuses to leave the room. Telling myself Ashley's happiness was what mattered. When Ashley told me her and Rachel were getting a place together. I was ecstatic. I even helped them find the studio they shared. 'The torture of listening to the two of them having loud sex will be gone.' I told myself. No more hiding my jealousy and hurt behind "You two are so cute" coos.

I forced myself to move on, suppressing my feelings. As the months went by Rachel and I settled into what I felt was a comfortable friendship. It stopped hurting as much when they kissed. My jealousy subsided. I felt better knowing that they had found each other. I couldn't think of two people that I'd rather see find that special someone. I grew used to the knot.

So why now in the aftermath of their very recent breakup had my feelings for Rachel resurfaced? I hadn't wanted them a year ago, and I don't want them now. So why can't I make them go away. I want them to go away. They stifle the logical part of my brain. If I am honest with myself deep down I knew last night why Ashley had stepped out on their relationship. I'm just not ready to accept it. I don't want to open my eyes and acknowledge it. Ashley didn't step out on Rachel. She stepped aside for me.

The passenger door opens. Rachel and her bag get in. I don't ask her if she's okay. I just start the car keep my eyes forward. I can hear her sniffling. My eyes steal a glance at her as I pull out into the street. Tears are running down her cheeks. Reaching over I place my hand on hers, and give it a comforting squeeze. She looks at my hand, and then removes it. Then looks back out the passenger's window. My chest tightens in response. I hate that such a simple action from her can cause that reaction.

"Thanks for letting me crash at your place until I can find an apartment." Rachel rasps out.

"That's what friends are for." I state my voice resigned

"Is that what we are Kate? Friends?" She raises her eyes from the pavement. I can see the vulnerability in them. The question lying beneath the surface.

Between last night, and this morning. I feel as if I have been stuck on a roller coaster unable to get off. Nauseous from the ups and downs. Trying to overcome the emotions that have been pulling at my insides. Part of me wants to scream enough already. Hoping my pleas will be heard.

I know I got on this ride when I opened my door last night. I know I welcomed in the ensuing drama. I made the mistake of letting Ashley accept sole propriety of the blame. It took seeing her this morning. To know my own betrayal. Rachel isn't innocent in this either, even though I wish she were. I stepped out on the one person that has always had my back. For Rachel! I wasn't ready to address why six months ago, and I'm not sure I can do it now.

I take a deep breath and decide that this is where I get off. I am done with this ride. It's time to take control and accept my part in all of this. As much as I would like to think, I have no responsibility in any of this. I know in part I do. Because I am in love with Rachel. I have been I think since the moment I saw her.

"Yes, Rachel that's exactly what we are. Friends." Even Though I've admitted it to myself. I know I am not prepared, for the ramification of what being in love with Rachel entails.

The rest of the drive to my apartment we remain quiet. I pull in front of my building, and remove my apartment key from my key chain.

" I have to head to the club I'm already late, or I'd head in with you. Feel free to make yourself a copy of that today, or I can if you have class, or something." I sound indifferent but I can't care. Now that I have pulled my head out of the sand. I need this detachment. Call it self preservation.

Rachel takes the key from my hand, and steps out of my car. She looks sad but I don't try to make her smile.

"I have a paper Due on Tuesday, but I should have plenty of time to get one made"

"If you need anything call, and I can pick it up on my way home." Rachel's stare is unnerving.

"All right, well I guess I'll see you later then" She sounds lost

"The chances of that are good. You are crashing at my place Rache." I meet her eyes for the first time since I've pulled up.

She gives me a smile but it doesn't reach her eyes. She shuts her door and heads into the lobby.

When I get to the Spaz. I throw myself into my work. I have receipts from last night to go over, a liquor order to place, and two new employee's to add to payroll. I have to wait to do my deposit until tomorrow. I want to talk to Ashley about some new idea's I have for Tuesdays, to pull in more of a crowd. I finished with the receipts and headed out front to check on the stock. Leaning against the bar I grab the bottle of ibuprofen. I take four. Hoping they will alleviate the headache, I feel coming on. I'm half way through the order when Ashley shows up. She appears, unfazed by the drama of this morning. I go back to the forms in front of me.

X

"Hey Kate, did you do the drop already." I know Katie is avoiding conversation with me because of what happened back at Rachel and my apartment.

"No, I just finished with last night's receipts" Setting her clip board down. She runs her fingers through her hair, and gently messages her temples. " I put everything in the safe. Why did you need something?" I nod and bite my bottom lip, like I always do when I'm afraid of making Kate mad. Knowing full well, Kate is going to be upset, because I promised our head bouncer a loan. Loaning employees money is a big no no ever since we lent a waitress Shelly money for her next semester of college so she wouldn't have to drop out. Shelly contacted us a few months later from Arizona. She had used our loaned money to move there to be with some guy she met on the internet. While Shelly did apoligize profusely for her deception. She claimed she had spent the whole of the loan and found herself unable to pay us back. We had agreed after the Shelly incident that loaning money to employees was not a mistake we would make again. Until now.

" I kinda told Joe We'd give him a small loan." I lean back against the bar and play with the bottom of my tank. Avoiding Kate's eyes tactfully

" Ash I thought we discussed that we were not going to be loaning money to employees, any more. If Joe needs a loan. Then he needs to go to a bank, and get one like everyone else." Kate looks really irritated, and I can't tell if it's Joe's loan thing or the Rachel thing seeping through.

" I know we agreed, but Joe has been with us for four years, and he got turned down by the bank." Katie lets out a exasperated sigh. I step forward pushing her hands out of the way, and begin massaging temples firmly.

"Kate I already told him we would help him out." Katie moans as my fingers start to work on her headache.

"This is the last time we're doing this Ash, and you're, getting him to sign an agreement. How much does he need?" We lock eyes and instantly Kate reads my lip biting as a bad sign. She groans "Ashley" petulantly and steps away from me.

" Three thousand" I blurt out. Kate just shakes her head, and walks toward her office. I fallow close behind. A little smug in how easily Katie gave in.

" We'll need the money back within six months. Do you think he can handle that?"

"Why " I ask innocently entering her office. Katie already unlocking the safe. She shoots me an irritated glance.

" Because Ash I scheduled the floors to be refinished over Christmas. We'll need it back by then"

I know for a fact that our loan to Joe is not detrimental to SPAZ's floor survival. This is just Katie's way of having a say in this situation. Having left her out of the decision I feel it is only right to concede to this demand.

"Gotcha Partner. I will draw up the contract today, and you will have the money in full by December 23rd or I will pay it to the Club out of my own pocket." I give Katie a genuine smile. Happy that this morning hasn't affected our working relationship. She knows the only reason I didn't just give Joe the money myself is so that he could keep his pride. Just like I know that Kate is going to give Joe a huge raise so that there is no way he wont be able to pay us back before Christmas. Joe has been with us for four years. Joe's honest and reliable. Joe is a far cry from shady Shelly.

X

As Ashley turns to leave my office I find myself asking

"Ash why did you do it?" She turns, and her smile dies. We rarely bring our personal lives up at work. It is our way to keep our friendship, separate from our business. Which is a necessity for us when we are arguing.

Ash looks down. When she finally looks up I can see pain in her eyes.

" Not yet Katie. Please?" Her brown eyes beg me to let it go.

"Okay, Ash okay." I get up from my chair and wrap my arms around her. I know there is so much we need to talk about, but I understand her needing time. After a few minutes of just holding her I kiss her spikey raven haired head, and lean back so I can look in her soulful brown eyes.

"I'm sorry about earlier Ash. I shouldn't have, assumed." She steps out of our embrace and shrugs

"It's okay Katie, I understand. If I were in your shoes, I probably would have reacted the same way." I nod my head in acceptance. Even though I know Ashley would have given me the benefit of the doubt. She's letting me off the hook. She's forgiven me.

"I love you. You know that, don't you Ash?" She looks up and gives me her best attempt, at a smile.

"Yeah, Kate, I do." turning to the door she stops without turning around.

"We're going to be all right, aren't we Katie?" I can hear the worry in her voice.

"We'll make it through Ash. We'll find a way. We always do." And with that she steps out the door. I decide to wait to talk to Ashley about Tuesday nights. I enter in our new employee's into my computer for payroll. I head up front to finish the Liquor order. By the time I have e-mailed the order. I am ready to head home. Emotionally drained. I stop up front to let Ash know I'm leaving. She wishes me a good night giving me a hug, and I head out the door.


	5. oddly fluffy

When I return home I find my door locked and have to have the doorman let me in. I inherited this apartment when I turned eighteen. It had belonged to my grandmother. My parents received it in her will, and signed it over to me when I graduated. They didn't want me staying in the dorms, but they wanted me out of their house.

I attended N.Y.U. that is where Ash and I met. Two of a kind. Both wild and full abandonment issues caused by our parental units or lack there of. We hit it off right away. I was her first sexual experience with a woman. She was the first person I cared about more than my self. Our sexual relationship didn't last long, but we got a great co-dependant friendship out of it.

Ashley has stood by my side through drugs and rehab. She became my business partner when I wanted to open a club and my parents had refused to help, because of the whole your daughter is a drug addict embarrassment. The last ten years of my life my rock has been Ashley Davis. I don't deserve her but I'm lucky enough to call her my best friend.

Work was a bitch today. I probably would have had an aneurysm if Ashley hadn't been there to calm my anxious ass down. Nothing went as planned. Not typically how you want to start off your new Tuesday night promotional.

I plan to go to the gym to work off some steam. I change into track pants and a tank. Pack my gym bag and then I remember Rachel has my only key. She's been here for two weeks and has yet to make a copy. Instead of getting annoyed like I have the last two weeks.

I leave a reminder for myself to get my key from her, and have a copy made on my way to work tomorrow. I decide to call her and find out if she is going to be back in a couple hours. I don't want to bother the doorman to let me in my apartment again.

Her phone rings to voice mail and I leave her a message. I head into the kitchen and make myself a sandwich while I wait for her call. She texts she should be back around ten. I finish my sandwich grab two bottles of water and head out for the gym. I am working the heavy bag when my phone chimes that I have a new message.

Rachel and I sat down last night, and finally talked. Our talk resulted both of us admitting that we have feelings for each other. We acknowledged that now was not an appropriate time to act on said feelings. We both have things we need to work through. Before we can think about an us. We agreed that the most we can offer each other at this point is friendship. This morning we had an awkward moment where we almost kissed, but we both recovered quickly. I haven't told her I am in love with her per say, but I feel I did an adequate job of inferring it.

My text is Rachel letting me know she is home and that she grabbed a movie and Thai takeout. I throw my gloves in my bag and head for the shower.

I enter my apartment and lock the door behind me.

" Kitchen or living room?"I yell down the hall.

"Living room. Movies already in." I head into my bedroom throw my workout cloths in the hamper, and place my shoes and bag back in my closet.

"Go ahead and start. I'll be out in a sec." I change into a pair of boxers and a tank, and make my way to the living room.

"What are we watching?" I ask plopping down next her and reaching for some noodles.

"Children's Hour" I reached for a couple spring roles and look for the sauce.

" You didn't happen to get the ginger sauce that Tellie usually makes for me did you?" Rachel sighs and pauses the movie. She gets up and heads into the kitchen, and comes back out with the sauce in question.

"How about we just eat, and then watch the movie" She offers. The look on her face says slightly annoyed. I should have known better than to talk during a classic.

" OK" I say with a smile. I have always found Rachel quirks amusing.

"So Tilly really likes you huh.?" I don't know if that was a question or a statement.

"It's Tellie" I correct taking a bite of my spring role. She moves around a piece of chicken before finally picking it up with her chop sticks.

" She's cute." She says eyeballing me as she takes a bite.

"Yeah she is." I say reaching for some tea.

"While I was picking up the food, she wouldn't stop talking about you." I look over to see a smirk on her face.

"What" I say around a mouth full of noodles.

"You slept with her." I shrug. Tellie and I are strictly friends, but I want to see Rachel's reaction. I want to know if my past will be a problem.

"Maybe." She laughs out, and pushes gently on my thigh. I can't stop the warm feeling that spreads through me at the contact.

We clean up our take out and settle in to watch the movie. I must have fallen asleep. I wake up with my head on Rachel's lap. She's running her fingers through my hair. I guesstimate the length of my nap, as credits begin to roll.

"Mmhhmm that feels nice." I say in my sleepy state. Rachel chuckles, and her fingers still.

"Come on time for bed sleepy head." she whispers near my ear. I groan and sit up stretching out my arms.

"Good night Rache" I say as I head towards my room to brush my teeth, and wash my face for bed.

"See you in the morning Kate" her voice sweet and tender. Just like it had been when she had whispered in my ear. I can't stop the smile that spreads across my face as I crawl beneath my covers. I can't remember the last time I went to sleep with a smile on my face. Rachel just gets me in a way that I only ever thought Ashley would.

I find myself woken again. Without opening my eyes I lift the covers to allow Rachel to sneak under them. She snuggles her back up to my front . I wrap my arm around her, and fall back into a peaceful slumber.

xxx

Ashley is behind the bar mixing a long island. "So Rachel's still staying at your place." This is the first time since their brake a month and a half ago, that Ashley has mentioned Rachel's name. I lift my eyes from the paper work I'm doing, and look at Ashley with interest. I have tried to breech the subject many times only to be told that she didn't want to talk about her and Rachel. Rachel is the same way. They still haven't talked since that morning in Ashley's apartment as far as I know.

"Yes. She is. Rachel had found an apartment she thought, she could afford a few weeks ago. It turned out to be a dump, and a longer commute to school than my place. I convinced her to stay with me as my roommate." As her friend I couldn't let her stay in a roach motel.

She was adamant on paying me rent. So I drew up a lease agreement. I didn't want her to feel like a charity case. In addition she agreed to stay away from my kitchen. While I promised to never talk during her movies, and always use a coaster.

Ashley set the long island on a tray, and sent Shannon on her way. I never took my eyes off my best friend. I waited patiently for her to continue. She turned to Ronnie, the other bartender on tonight.

"Ronnie I'm going to take a break watch the bar for a while." Ronnie nodded and I silently followed Ashley to her office. Her office had a much more relaxed feel to it than mine. Instead of a chair in front of the desk, there sat an old leather couch. Where my office had a book shelf. Hers had a matching leather chair. Pictures adorned burgundy walls. Signed by the bands that graced our stage. Some of them famous now. Wall sconces gave the room a warm welcoming feel.

The second I enter her office I find myself pushed up against the door. Ashley's 5'6" frame pinning me as she reaches up on tip toes and connects our lips. Her hands lace their way through my hair, pulling me forcefully down to her lips. My shock, is replaced by desire ,as I feel my body respond, to her aggressiveness. I snake my arms around her waist. Eventually resting my hands, on the firmness of her ass. She in turn wraps her legs around my waist. I spin us around pressing her up against her office door. Absorbing her groan with my mouth. I loss myself in our kiss. Time stands still as hands devour bodies, moans and gasps fill the air. My breathing becomes rapid, as my hips began to move against her pelvis. My hands guide her body to join mine in the delicious friction. She lets out a grown that sets my body on fire. It has been seven months since I have felt another women pressed up against me this intimately. This feels nothing like Rachel and my occasional gentle cuddling at night.

The thought of Rachel has a sobering effect on me. Painfully I pull myself away from Ashley. Guilt, anger, and confusion, replace lust. I place her feet back on the floor and step away. She doesn't stop me.

My body and my mind war. Ashley has always been my home. She is my rock, my place of refuge. I can't deny that she is attractive. Even after all these years, of nothing beyond friendship. A part of me still wants her, and she knows it.

I lean against the back of the leather couch. Groaning. I let my body slide to the floor. I attempt to collect myself. My breathing is still ragged my body is trembling painfully with stimulation, hurt, and anger.

"What the hell? Dammit..Ashley."She is leaning against her office door, breathing heavily. She lets herself sink to the floor. I can't keep the hurt and pain from my eyes. I see the same in hers. We sit there in silence for several minutes until our breathing evens out.

"You want to tell me what that, was about?" I ask. My voice still shaking.

"Loyalty" she responds in an equally shaken voice. I take a moment to digest what she said

"Huh." I respond dumbly. I know that Ashley operates on a different wave length than most, but usually I speak Ashley.

"Really Ash. Really. Well unfortunately, I left my Ashley for dummy's manual, at home today." I bite out sarcastically

"So your going to have to give me a bit more than Loyalty. Ash." She begs me with her eyes to understand but I can't. I shake my head and look down at my hands ashamed of my reaction to her advances.

"I didn't mean.. I'm sorry Kate. I ." I cut off her rambling.

"No more bullshit, Ash. Just tell me what is going on with you." I look up from my hands to find tears streaming down her face. Her expression looks tortured. I can't help it. I put my hurt and pain aside, for the time being.

I get up from my spot and go to her. I pull her into a my arms. She sobs into my shoulder. While I rub her back. As I hold her I can feel my anger slip away, only my need to understand remains. Ashley crying has always had that effect on me. When she quiets down, I lift her chin and kiss her softly on the cheek. I pull back from the chaste kiss, with my best attempt at a smile. Keeping her face cupped between my hands I say.

"Don't think for a second that, that kiss means I forgive you for wiping your snotty nose on my shoulder." She smiles as two more tears slide down her face. I wipe them away.

"I love you Katie, you know that." it's not a question. I give her a sly smile.

"I am not, that easy Ash." We both know that when it comes to Ashley. I have always been that easy to forgive. She giggles a little.

"Could have fooled me?" I stand up, and reach for her hand.

"Seven, months, Ash. Your mother could have kissed me like that, and I would have responded." She takes my hand and I pull her up.

"Sure Kate whatever you have to tell yourself." Her smirk still intact. She heads over to the couch and sits down.

"You threw yourself at me. I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I was only thinking of you." I spit out still feeling a bit guilty, about my earlier actions.

"I'll say. You were thinking of me, naked screaming your name, while you fucked me against, my office door." Ashley's smirk disappears instantly as I fix her with a glare.

" Too far?" She questions contritely. I just nod my head, and look down at the floor. When I look back up. I ask the question that has been eating at me, for the last month.

"Why did you intentionally, fuck up your relationship with Rachel Ash?". I pin her to the couch with my eyes. Her reprieve is over. I'm ready for some answers.

"It sailed its course Katie. Let it go. Rachel and I weren't meant to be." She sighs. I move closer until I am hovering over her.

"Tell me Ashley or I swear to god!" She squirms in her seat.

"I couldn't do it okay. I tried. I know you thought she was perfect for me, but we were not all happy rainbows and warm fuzzy feelings. I only proposed to shut you up. I think we both wanted what you saw, we just couldn't find it in each other." I move even closer. Ashley pushes herself further into the corner of the couch.

"You get any closer to me Katie, I swear I will not be held responsible, for what I do."

I stop inches from Ashley's lips. Both my arms pinning her. My knee slips between her legs. My eyes slide down to her lips I can feel the sexual tension rise between us. Ashley always says take control Katie is hot. Now I'm going to use that to my advantage.

"Your going to tell me now why you kissed me earlier Ashley. No riddles Ashley" I growl out in warning. Ashley's eyes widen at my growl and she gulps. Part of me wonders if that is actual fear in her eyes?

"I was afraid I was losing you to Rachel. I thought. I wasn't thinking." She says it so softly I almost miss it. I watch as her eyes slowly examine my features. I pull back, and sit in the opposite corner of the couch.

"Loyalty Huh Ash. I am you're best friend. You're not ever going to loose me. But... If you ever pull the shit you did today, again, I wont talk to you, for a month. You got it." Ashley leans her head back on the couch and stares up at the ceiling.

"Fine, but no more acting all Dom. You know that shit turns me on." I giggle

"Deal.." She turns her head toward me and smiles. Then her expression turns serious.

"Tellie told me Rachel signed a lease." I reach over and pull her legs onto my lap.

"Tellie, has a big mouth." I say pulling off Ashleys' boots.

"Yes she does, but that doesn't change the fact that since I've known you, you've only had one person live with you." She pauses for a moment.

"I think we both know. You two are not going to remain just roommates. A week before I cheated she told me she was in love with you." She admits definitively adjusting herself into a more comfortable position. I let out a long sigh and begin massaging her right foot.

"I didn't know Ash. I'd be lying if I told you I didn't reciprocate her feelings." I look over at Ashley and I can feel tears forming in my eyes this is it this is where our friendship will end. I can feel it. She is never going to forgive me for falling for Rachel. Ashley sighs and gives me an understanding smile, and just like that she forgives.

"I've known that for a while to. I'm not angry with you Katie. I understand." I shoot her a doubtful glance. Ashley just smiles reassuringly. Suddenly her eyes drop "How is she?" Ashley avoids making eye contact.

"If you want an answer to that you are going to have to make a phone call Ash." Our eyes connect and I can see the hurt in her eyes. I know that she can read the plea in mine. She nods and positions herself so that she is half on my lap cuddling close she lays her head on my chest.

"How are you really doing Ash?" I question softly running my fingers through her hair. I position myself so that I can look directly into her brown eyes. She looks so broken my chest tightens in sympathy. Two tears fall down her cheeks and I pull her firmly onto my lap and wipe away her tears. Her slight frame shakes as she lets go and cries for the second time today, in my arms.

" I really wanted her to be the one Katie. I really did." I rub her back, and do my what I can to sooth her.

"I'm sorry Ash I know. If I could make it better I would." She wedges her forehead between my neck and shoulder. Taking in deep breaths, until I feel her body relax.

"I know Katie I know. I loved her, but I was never in love with her you know. I think that hurts the most. The way I treated her the last time I talked to her. I was so angry." I just held her and rubbed her back until Ashley's tears quieted in my neck. "You never once tried to take her from me Katie, not once and she still fell in love with you. It hurt yah know. You never wanted to fall in love and it's the one thing I've always chased after." I told her how much I loved her, and how afraid I was of lousing her friendship over my feelings for Rachel. Hell I confessed everything to Ashley. From the very first time I had met Rachel. Then we sat quietly taking in each others confessions holding on as tight as we could to each other. Ashley was the first to break the silence.

"You always smell so good Katie." I snicker at the dreamy sound in her voice. Obviously she is feeling better.

"Oh yeah what do, I smell like." I didn't wear perfume today so I'm curious to hear her answer.

"Like home Katie. You, smell like home." I smile and squeeze her tightly.

"You to babe you to." We're going to survive this. For the first time in the last month I am positive our friend ship will survive.


	6. Giving in

_**Authors notes:**_

_Originally when I decided to re-vamp this story. I planned on removing the smut from this chapter, deeming it inappropriate in the story line. The wife requested that I leave it. It is her birthday today so we came to compromise. Today** only.** I will leave it in and see how you the reader feel about it. If I receive five positive responses it must stay. If it doesn't get positive feedback. I get to remove it. _

**Warning this chapter has some sexual content. I marked the spot with NC-17 so if you choose you can skip it.**

"Rachel you here" I call out as I entered my apartment.

Receiving no response I set my keys on the table by the door. Heading to my room to get dressed for the gym, and grab my bag. I stopping in the kitchen to grab a couple waters. and text Rachel that I'm heading to the gym, and that I will make dinner when I got back. As I walk past her room I hear her ring tone. I pause by her door.

"Rache you in there" I say knocking. I crack her door open, peering in.

I began to rethink our relaxed privacy rules. My eyes settle on Rachel in her bed. Her head thrown back in a silent cry of pleasure. I can't take my eyes off her. One of her hands lay beneath the blankets. Her other is squeezing her right nipple. I feel my body respond to the vision in front of me. My eyes wandered down her body to where her hand lays under the sheet. I can feel my nipples hardening inside my sports bra.

"Holy shit." Suddenly there was a blur of motion. It takes me a moment to realize, Rachel has spoken. I shake my self out of my daze, looking up I see Rachel standing next to her bed. Attempting to dress quickly. Finally managing to cover herself, she pulls out her ear buds.

"What the Fuck Kate?"

My cheeks flush from embarrassment. I look down, quickly stuttering out

".I. I. am so sorry" In a squeaky voice, and shut the door.

I stand in the hall to shocked at my own voyeurism to move. Her door flies open before I can die from embarrassment. I look down at the floor. Unwilling to meet her eyes.

"I heard your phone." I look from the wall, to the floor. Too ashamed to meet her eyes.

"I knocked." I say with a bit of pleading in my voice.

"Did you enjoy the show Kate?" My eyes shot up at hearing her words.

"I. I." Her eyebrow raised. Her lips quirked into a knowing smile.

" Ihavetogo a tothegym." I squeak out, and rush for the door.

Well that's a first, In the three months we've lived together. I make it down to my car before I realize I've left my car keys on the entry table. I groan out loud and head back up to our apartment. I plan on ducking in quickly, and grabbing my keys before my presence can be noticed.

Rachel meets me at the door dangling my keys chuckling at me . My face red I quickly grab them.

"Th-thanks" I stammer, and bolt for the stairs. Her laughter fallows me.

I spend three hours at the gym. To say I have some sexual frustration to work off, would be an understatement. I finish off my usual workout, and decide to do some laps in the pool. While doing laps my mind wanders through the events, of the last two months.

Ashley admitting to me that she had always suspected I had feelings, for Rachel. That she had been confused by me pushing them together.

Me admitting openly to Ashley, that I was in love with Rachel. That I had been to much of a coward to admit it to myself let alone anyone else.

Ashley giving me her blessing to be with Rachel.

Ashley telling me the last two months of their relationship, They had gone to counciling. That their councilor confronted Rachel about her feelings for me during a session. After Ashley had spouted off about her caring more about my feelings, than Ashley's.

Ashley explaining that a week before Ashley cheated Rachel had told her that she was in love with me, but she didn't want to give up on them.

I thought about the night Rachel and I, sat down and talked about every thing Ashley had confessed.

I remembered the phone calls and coffees, Ashley and Rachel shared, over the last month.

My shoulders feel like rubber, and my thighs shake, by the time I exit the pool. Rachel and I need to talk. I think its time to re-evaluate where we are. I think I am finally ready for us. I shower and dress. On my way to my car. I text Rachel that we need to talk. She replies back that she is at home. I smile as I climb in my car.

I enter the apartment and don't bother to put my stuff away. I drop my bag at the door, and make my way into the living room. Ready to bare my soul.

"Rachel where are you?" I ask loudly when I don't find her there.

"In the Kitchen." she responds

I Take a deep breath and head into the Kitchen. She is sitting at the counter pouring over Text books. Rachel looks up when I enter, and smirks at me.

"You look, stressed Kate. What's up."

I know this might be too early, but for once I don't care. I need more. Rachel and Ashley have been talking, and texting for the last month. They've even gone out for coffee, a few times. They've processed. Ashley and I are good. She forgiven me for falling in love with her girlfriend. I've forgiven myself for falling in love with my best friends girl friend. I look up at Rachel, and realize I've been pacing. She gives me a reassuring smile.

"I love you. I mean. I'm in love with you. We promised, we would tell each other when we felt we could give all of ourselves, to each other. With out guilt, and without regret. I don't want to pressure you, but I think I'm ready for us. No, I know I'm Ready for us." I am prepared for Rachel to tell me she needs more time, to tell me she got sick of waiting for me, and I am to late.

I am not however, prepared for her jumping into my arms. I fall to the floor with Rachel sprawled out on top of me. We both begin laughing. I sit us up. Rachel's now perched on my lap, straddling my thighs. My right hand's resting in the small of her back. I bring my left up to cup her cheek. She turns her face into my palm. Smiling she places a gentle kiss there. A shiver runs through me.

"I'm so in love with you Kate."

"Can I kiss you Rachel?" She looks up from my palm with so much hunger in her eyes. Another shiver runs through me.

I lean in. When our lips meet for the first time. It's so soft, so gentle that we both let out a whimper. I slowly run my lips over hers. Savoring the feel of her mouth on mine. I am in no hurry. The gentle pull of her lips against mine, sends tickles of pleasure through my body. Rachel groans, when I break our kiss. I need to see that she feels it to. When our eyes meet. I see my own need reflected back at me.

Rachel hungrily reconnects, our lips. Her hands find their way into my hair . Gently pulling at the hairs on the back of my neck. The sensation makes me moan against her lip. This kiss is different. Laced with emotion held dormant for too long. It feels so good it almost hurts. My left hand slides into her hair. While my right pulls her closer. The feel of her body pressing against mine, makes me want to devour her. Her lips move possessively over mine. Almost bruising. I slide my tongue gently over her bottom lip. She welcomes it. We both let out a moan when our tongues brush tentatively against each other.

Tightening my hand in her hair. I slip my hand under her shirt. I begin rubbing small circles into her lower back. She reacts by pushing her body further into mine. Our kissing escalates to the point where clothing is becoming an increasingly irritating obstacle. Our hands pull, and grip at the offending garments, that are preventing our skin from touching. Frantic for more intimate contact our hands turn animalistic in their attempt to remove anything that separates our skin. Sensing that this is quickly heading toward sex on the kitchen floor, and not wanting the memory of our first time, to be a quickie in the kitchen. I pull back resting my forehead on her shoulder.

"Bedroom?" I rasp out. My breaths coming out as ragged gasps. My body throbbing. I've never felt so alive. She nods her approval against my cheek, and begins kissing down my neck.

After a few moments Rachel reluctantly releases her hold on my once form fitting tee, and stands up, offering me her hand. I take it smiling widely at how tousled, she looks. When I reach my feet, I begin leading her towards her room. She stops walking.

"Kate, why are we heading to my room?" A blush creeps across my face, I turn toward her. My words come out deep and breathy.

"I've kinda been fantasizing about you, on your bed. Since this afternoon."

Rachel's eyes turn into hungry slits of arousal. Letting out a wanton growl and takes the lead. Nearly pulling my shoulder out of its socket, in her rush to get us to her bedroom.

**NC-17**

When we're almost to her door. I lean down and reconnect our mouths. I walk us awkwardly the last few steps to her doorway. Her hands snake under my tee shirt. Releasing my lips, she pulls it over my head. She moans her approval, before attaching her lips to my collar Bone, marking me. Her hands run deliciously over my naked skin. Gripping her tightly my hands roam the expanse of her back. Tangling in her hair as Rachel nips at the sensitive skin between my shoulder and ear. I barely hold on to lucidity, as her mouth works its way across my chest and neck. Our bodies lean against her door. Rachel pressing me against it. Before I can protest my track pants are around my knee's. I gasp out her name when I feel her hand resting over my underwear. Her mouth kisses my chest as her hand attempts to drives me crazy. Her left hand pushes my bra up over my breast, as her mouth hungrily advances lavishing my breast. My head slams back into her door.

"FUCK, Rachel." Is all a can manage to articulate.

Rachel moans into my nipple before, biting gently down on it. I hiss in pleasure. I don't remember her pushing down my underwear, but her fingers sliding through my folds unrestricted, lets me know that it's happened. I arch against the door. Unable to control myself when her fingers begin working tight circles over me. She devours my breast as her right hand alternates from circling my bundle of nerves, to running up, and down my opening. Rachel's deft fingers slide effortlessly over me. My head lulls back and fourth against the door. My mind lost in pleasure. She switches breast, and the nails of her left hand scrap down the sensitive flesh of my side, as she bites down on my nipple. This causes and explosion of sensation to course through me.

"OOh my god, fuck I'm ... Rache" I grip her shoulders as my body shudders in ectasacy .

Before I can recover she thrust two fingers into me. Her mouth abandons my breast. We both whimper at the feeling of her buried inside. My eyes roll back in my head. I can feel Rachel's forehead resting on my shoulder. Her shallow breaths tickling my skin. She curls her fingers inside me as she slides out. I whimper and Rachel lets out a feral growl, as she thrust into me more forcefully. She feels so good I give myself over to the tiny explosions her touch evokes. Every thrust is heaven every time she slides her fingers out it's sweet torture. She brushes her thumb across my clitoris. Its stimulation proves to be to much. I wantonly slam my hips down against her fingers, and orgasm for a second time. Screaming her name. Rachel prolongs my pleasure until I can't take anymore, and I grab her wrist.

After a few minutes I begin to come back around. My throat is sore. Rachel's tiny frame is supporting me against the door.

"Holly shit Kate. That was hot!" Rachel says smiling into the crook of my neck.

"Yeah. Wow. I mean, Wow!" Rachel giggles into my neck. 


	7. Foot in mouth desease

_**Authors notes:** So we are moving on to Ashley's pov. Hope you enjoy. As usual feedback is requested. I would love to here your opinions. Good or bad your reviews are appreciated._

x

God I don't know how I got talked into going to this stupid Christmas party. I despise party's like this one. You know the party's where you gather a bunch of acquaintances and talk about kids, work, money, where your going for vacation, politics and my personal favorite plastic surgery. If this party were a pool. It would be a kids pool, that's how shallow it is. I swear, if I have to listen to one more debutante complain about her Streisand nose, or her flat chest I am going to scream.

How did I end up here? Well my best friend Kate and her girlfriend of three months Rachel force- invited me. I declined politely twice. They refused to take no for an answer. So here I am hiding out on a balcony. In the middle of winter. Waiting for my best friend, and her significant other to finally come to there senses. So we can leave. They've been taking turns manning the door, so I don't sneak out for the last hour. This is all Rachel's fault.

Usually Katie and I sit around on Christmas Eve eating cookies and having a Christmas movie Marathon. We do themes nights. Last year I was pushing for cartoons. How can you beat classics like Charlie Brown Christmas, The Grinch, and My personal favorite Frosty. Yes, I know technically Frosty is claymation. All right, back on topic. I wanted cartoons, but we ended up with the theme Oldies. Which sucks ass as a theme. It was Rachel's idea of course. Rachel has a thing for classic movies, and Katie has a thing for Rachel. So I got outvoted. Now a year later, I still am denied my awesome animation themed Christmas movie marathon, because Rachel has a Christmas Party.

I know you're confused. You're asking yourself. If Rachel's only been with Kate for three months then how did she manage to destroy your animation marathon last year? Well that's a long story so I will give you the short version. Last year this time Rachel was my girlfriend, soon to be fiancée. We split this summer and she started living with, and seeing Kate. I know what your thinking. 'Rachel's a traitorous Whore-bitch.'Am I right? Oh, and your probably hating on Katie right now to, but I want you to take a deep breath, let it out slowly, and move on. I have.

I barely ever think about the day Rachel came home and told me that she was in love with my best friend. Nope, almost never crosses my mind. I hardly recall wasting hours talking about my feelings to a couple's councilor, only to find out that Rachel was in love with Katie. "My best friend." Them kissing, doesn't constantly remind me of Rachel's cunt like treachery. Nope, not in the least. I've processed. I have evolved. I am fucking Buddha. A picture of serenity, and joyfulness.

Gods how I wish that were true. I know I should be over this. It's been six months. I don't think I even ever really loved Rachel. I mean sure I wanted to make it work. She's a catch. Smart, sweet, an animal in the sack, and just odd enough to keep me, interested. She's everything I thought I wanted. Minus some of her overtly anal personality traits.

I wanted to make it work because, I didn't want to fail. I know deep down Rachel wasn't looking to fall in love with Kate. Kate definitely didn't want to fall in love with Rachel. Kate fears intimate relationships built on love. Well, she did at least. After witnessing her parents miserable excuse of a marriage, I don't blame her for avoiding her feelings for Rachel.

So why am I having such a hard time getting over the fact that my ex is now dating my best friend? Well, maybe because it sound so, Wrong. Maybe because Rachel destroyed our plans for the future. Maybe I'm jealous, because they found the one thing I want, but seems out of my reach. Love.

Man, I hate it when my internal examinations of situations, lead to the realization that, I'm in the wrong. There's only one way I can think of to get me out of this conundrum. I'm through looking for love. I'm finished trying to force it. If it's out there it's just going to have to find me. Taking in a deep breath. I let it out, watching as it crystallizes in the cold December air. Calmness overtakes me for the time being. Who would have ever thought, Ashley Davis would be jealous of two people in love.

Turning back to the view before me. I take in the beauty of Central Park at Christmas. I hear the door behind me open. So Katie finally found my hiding spot. I'm surprised it took her this long. "So you finally found me?" I let out another long breath watching it distort my view of the beauty of the park.

"You don't sound like someone that wants to be found." There's an understanding quality to the voice. I start a bit and feel my cheeks flush. She joins me at the railing and looks out over Central Park.

"Sorry, I was expecting someone else." I give the blond beside me a sheepish smile.

"I gathered that. Considering I don't think we've been introduced." Her teasing tone is soft as a feather. I try to remember my manners for a moment. She smiles and extends her hand. "Hi I'm Spencer Carlin." Her, action reaches my brain. I take her proffered hand

"Ashley Davis nice to meet you Spencer." She chuckles at the formality in my voice.

"So are you hiding to? Or did you come out here for the view?" She shrugs

"Bit of both I guess." She tugs me to the door, by our still joined hands.

"See that girl over there." She says pointing at a latina standing about ten feet away. I nod. Spencer's, conspiratorial tone makes me smile.

"Madison, my sister in-law. I guess you could say I'm avoiding her, but I came out here for the view. Which one of these lucky people are you hiding from?" I point to Kate, and Spencer fallows my finger

"My friend Kate. The tall one standing by the door."

"Oh let me guess she wants to leave, but you're hiding because you're having so much fun you never want to go home?" `

"Kate and Rachel are taking turns at manning the door so I don't sneak out." I offer honestly

"Which one is Rachel?" I point out Rachel to Spencer. Biting at her bottom lip she scans my face contemplatively.

"Well Ashley I don't usually say things like this to people I don't know very well, but I feel in this situation it's required. Your friends are hot." I chuckle hollowly. Gently releasing Spencer's hand, I turn back to the view.

"So why are you avoiding your sister in-law?" Spencer fallows me resting her hands on the railing. She lets out a sigh.

"She's pregnant, and has babies on the brain. I mean, don't get me wrong I love Maddy. She's a good friend, but there's only so much baby conversations I can take." My laugh is real this time .

"Yeah. At least you weren't forced to listen to some girl named Megan go on, and on about having her Barbra Streihsand nose lopped off." Spencer sends me a soft smile.

"Megan's been insecure about her nose as long as I've known her. She was probably just anxious around you, and didn't know what to talk about. Spencer's eyes wander back across the park.

"You know Megan." I shake my head, and let out a disbelieving snort. I can't believe I just insulted a friend, of the one person at this party I have enjoyed conversing with. I can't help but ask "Why would she be anxious around me?" I look over at Spencer curiously

"This is my party Ash. I know everyone here. As for Megan's nervousness around you. Most of us mere mortals get anxious when we're in the presence, of a beautiful woman." I don't miss Spencer's compliment or her familiarizing my name. Somehow it doesn't bother me. It does however, highlight my rude behavior. I groan.

"You must think I'm such a arrogant bitch. I'm so sorry for insulting your party, and your friend." She smiles at me and lets out a chuckle.

"The thought did cross my mind, but I think I might be able to find it in myself to forgive you. After all I'm the hostess and even I had to get away." She smiles at me. I notice for the first time how beautifully disarming her smile is.

" I can go in and apologize to Megan, for saying she has a Striehsand nose, if you want." Spencer laughs again making me feel worse.

"I don't think, that will improve her self esteem Ash, but your remorse is dully noted."

We're quiet for a few minutes comfortably. Just taking in the view. Spencer's settles her eyes on me after a while. Just quietly observing. Her question catches me by surprise.

"Would you like to go out for coffee sometime?" I contemplate her offer. She seems nice. I was enjoying our conversation, before I stuck my foot in my mouth. Coffee might just be my chance at redemption.

"Are you sure you want to subject yourself to my lack of tact again?.. You're not a masochist, are you?" The last part slips past my lips before I can filter it. Spencer laughs. It's a hard good laugh. It's the kind of laugh that makes you blush from its purity, and smile involuntarily.

"No, Ash I'm not a masochist. I happen to enjoy your lack of tact. It's refreshing."

"Okay, well then definitely yes to coffee, but if while we're out for coffee you request a spanking, I'm leaving straightaway." Spencer laughs, that same jovial laugh, and shakes her head.

"You've got yourself a deal Ms. Davis."


	8. Vedas

"So what time are you meeting her?"

"I think around one. She's got something work related in the village. So I suggested we meet up at Doma for coffee."

"God I love The Doma. I haven't been there in forever. Tell Chelsea I said Hi."

"Will do. Speaking of Chelsea. She has an exhibition on New Years Eve. You and Rachel should come. I was thinking about inviting Spencer.

Yeah I'll check with Rache and see what she thinks. She suggested Time square again this year, but we could do Chelsea's exhibit and then your place after."

"So what can you tell me about Spencer?"

"Not much she's Rachel's friend. They met at a lecture or something. Why?"

"Just curious." I sigh rummaging through my sty of a closet looking for an outfit that says comfortable relaxed but sexy. " I just don't want a repeat of the party. It took me two days to get the taste of my foot out of my mouth." I give a frustrated growl and plop down on the floor.

"Just wear, your stressed jeans and a tight tee, and call it good Ash. It's coffee, not rocket science. It doesn't require that much thought" I grab my favorite pair of jeans and a vintage Sex Pistols tee. Now for accessories.

"Belt" I question the receiver there's a pause. "Which tee did" before she can finish I cut her off.

"Sex Pistols." There's another pause and then Rachel chimes in with.

"Black studded belt, and chucks."

"I'm walking to The Doma Katie I'm not wearing chucks my feet will freeze."

"No boot's Ash. For fashion's sake, just wear the chucks. Your feet will survive."

"I like my boots." I whine into the phone.

"And I'd like to burn your boots. Wear, the chucks Ashley. The boots say adolescent rock star, or Dykes on bikes. You're going for comfortable and relaxed."

"Dykes on bikes, is a bit dramatic don't you think Katie?"

"No, not at all. I think it accurately describes your boots."

"Now your pissing me off, on purpose. I'm hanging up Katie." Wear the chucks is screamed into the receiver before I can hit end. Why did I even ask Kate for her opinion?

Xxx

I walk into The Doma sans boots, about fifteen minutes early. Hanging my coat and scarf on the coat rack I look around. I don't see Spencer in the café so I head into the gallery to look around. Chelsea is a old friend from N.Y.U. We met at an exhibition she won our sophomore year. She is one of the sweetest, most intense people I have ever met, and it shows in her abstracts. I should know. I have two. When I moved to Greenwich Village one of the perks was being close to Chelsea's café slash gallery. Sometimes I think that viewing her works is the only thing that kept me sane, when the whole Rachel and Kate thing went down. There are three things in this world that bring me comfort music, art, and Katie. To say I leaned heavily on music and art in the last six months would be an understatement.

I can't fault Katie. I've wanted to at times, but I can't. Katie will always be my family, but it's different somehow. It's not Kate or Rachel individually I feel uncomfortable around. I just don't know how to react, around (them) the couple yet. Part of me wants to be the jealous ex. The other part of me wants to be happy for my best friend. My mind and heart are conflicted.

I look up at my saving grace. It's called _**Vedas**_, and it is an abstract of a woman. She is flowing and alive. She makes me want to smile. So I do. I'm excited to show Spencer Chelsea's work. I want it to affect her the way it does me. I don't know why I care about her opinion. I barely know her, but I care. I sigh as I soak in _**Vedas**_.

"You know no matter how often you come here and stare at her. She's not for sale." I turn to Chelsea and give her a hug. Smiling warmly.

"I know, but a girl can dream."

" How are you honey?" Chelsea says pulling out of our hug.

"Better every day Chels." I answer her honestly

"Katie?" she questions

"Great actually. She says hi. I think her and Rachel are planning to come to your exhibition New Years Eve."

"Awesome. I'm so excited for you guys to see my latest, and greatest work."

"Yeah, us too." I hear the Cafe doors chime admitting another patron. I smile and wave to Spencer she looks great. She's dressed in what I assume is a work suit. Jacket hanging over her left forearm. She reminds me of one of Charlie's Angels. In her high heeled dress boots. "Spencer Carlin" Chelsea squeals, rushing up to Spencer and throwing her arms around her. Spencer smiles sheepishly at me as she hugs Chelsea's excited form.

Chelsea lets go of Spencer long enough for us to grab a table. "So how do you two know each other?" Chelsea asks sitting down next to Spencer. She's holding her forearm, like she's worried if she lets go Spencer will float away. It's kind of annoying me. I just spent an hour looking for an outfit that said casual relaxed for our 'intimate' coffee date.

"We met at a Christmas party actually, and I asked Ash out for coffee." Spencer answers for us as I watch Chelsea's friendly hand, softly glide up and down Spencer's forearm.

" I never thought I'd see you again when you left for Michigan. I'm so glad you stopped in." Chelsea's smile is nearly splitting her face as she bounces like a thirteen year old girl in the presence of Justin Beeber. I did say she was intense didn't I. " How do you, and Spencer know each other?"

"We" Spencer tries to answer but Chelsea cuts her off.

"Spence and I went to High School together. I dated her brother Clay. I left for N.Y.U. after Senior year, and a year later Spencer fallowed. She's the one that po.." Spencer's placement of her hand over Chelsea's mouth gets my attention and muffles the rest of Chelsea's sentence.

"Okay well Chel's as much as I would love to let you finish that. I only have, so much time before I have to get back to work. So can we maybe get coffee and menus?" Spencer removes her hand and gives Chelsea an award winning smile. Chelsea sends Spencer a contrite smile, and then gives her another excited hug. "It's so good to see you." Then heads up front to grab coffee and menus.

"So, Spencer what do you do for a living?" I ask feeling more relaxed now that Chelsea is bouncing around behind the counter.

" I am an independent consultant in forensic psychology." My mouth drops open and Spencer chuckles. My feelings of inadequacy are quickly set aside, when I feel Spencer's hand give mine a reassuring squeeze.

" It really is a lot less interesting then it sounds Ash. My job, mainly consist of forensic analysis and court appearances." I close my mouth feeling a little better. Spencer's hand remains gently wrapped around mine. I have no intention of asking her to move it.

"So where does the psychology figure into your work?" Spencer is about to answer when Chelsea rejoins us carrying three mocha's.

"So what did I miss?" Spencer removes her hand from mine and takes her coffee. Giving Chelsea an appreciative smile.

"I was just about to tell Ashley where psychology fits into my job." Chelsea hands me my coffee and admiringly bubbles.

"I know isn't it so cool that she gets to work with some of the nations top criminologist." Spencer blushes

"I don't really. I mean I could but I haven't yet. I mainly consult lawyers using forensic evidence to access events, and an individual's state of mind." We sit quietly for a moment. I'm wishing Chelsea hadn't showed up. Then Spencer's hand would still be holding mine.

Spencer clears her throat, and looks up from her coffee cup. "Rachel tells me you and Kate own a night club."

"Spaz. It's like the hottest club, to see live bands." Chelsea interjects before I can comment. Spencer takes in my frustrated look and gives me an understanding smile. Chelsea seems ambivalent to my growing frustration with her presence. She looks as happy as a six-year-old on Christmas morning. "Ashley is the reason they book so many hot bands. She has a knack for knowing who is going to blow up."

It's my turn to blush. I look down at my hands playing with my rings. Spencer's phone rings. She looks at the caller id and excusing her self gets up from the table.

"She's the one." Chelsea says out of the side of her mouth.

"What?" I can't help but question. Chelsea gives me an exasperated look.

"Spencer is the girl, you stare at every time you come in here." She says when Spencer moves farther out of ear-shot.

"What are you talking about? This is the first time Spencer has been in here." Chelsea grabs my arm, and walks me into the gallery right over to where I usually sit.

"Ashley Davis, I would like you to meet Spencer Carlin." I look from the painting in front of me and then back at Chelsea. "She posed for me her freshman year. The reason I refused to sell _**Vedas**_ to you over the years is because. It belongs with her."

Spencer walks up behind me. " I'm sorry that was a client. I'm due back in court in like an hour." Then she notices my facial expression, and what Chelsea and I are staring at. "Dammit Chelsea did you have to tell her that?" Spencer's face is still flushed when she reluctantly meets my eyes. "It was college. People do crazy things in college."

Chelsea doesn't apologize. "I thought she might like to know. She's been after your likeness for years." I look guiltily from Chelsea to Spencer.

"You're beautiful." I rasp out. It's all I can manage. Those two words don't even come close too adequately describing my feelings at the moment, but they're enough. Because the smile I get in return warms me like the summer sun.


	9. Oh what a day?

_**Authors note: I would like to apologize for not updating sooner. I found some time today so I decided to post, I hope you enjoy. I don't know how well I like this chapter, but alas I decided to go with it. Per usual your comments and criticisms are appreciated I enjoy the feed back. **_

Spencer and I have been locked in blue on brown since I dropped the beautiful bomb. Part of me wanted to take it back the second it came out, brushing off the intense honesty I put into the simple compliment. I want to both hide from, and bath in the sensations her smile evoke in me. Spencer Carlin has twice now stripped away the cocky confidence from me. She has left me feeling completely vulnerable to her. The sensations are alien to me. Never before has an individual so easily stripped me raw.

Looking in her vibrant blue eyes I search for the tell tale signs that will give me back what she has so easily taken. Insecurities that say I don't deserve that compliment. The arrogance that says I've got you where I want you. A sign of the walls that we draw up when another person gets to close. In Spencer's piercing gaze I see someone hiding, nothing from me. Honestly sweet. Full of life. Genuinely, as beautiful on the inside as she is out.

"Wow you two crack louder than fireworks on the fourth." Chelsea's voice forces us to break eye contact. My face taking on a pink hue as her comment sinks in. I find myself more than a little embarrassed to have been observed. Chelsea's hands come up as if she is framing a picture leaning back to make sure that both Spencer and I are included in the frame. "Damn I knew it would be good but this is down right inspiring." I can feel my face flush more as my eyes are drawn to the floor. When I look back up, I see Chelsea struggling to take it all in. Her eyes darting from me to Spencer as if she can't decide which of us deserves more attention at this moment. To say her scrutiny is unnerving would be an understatement. Neither Spencer nor I can seem to be able to find our voice and Chelsea is taking full advantage of it. It's bordering on obnoxiously intrusive adding to my discomfort. I look over at Spencer and she seems to feel the same because she finds her voice.

"All right, Chelsea you've embarrassed us enough." Spencer finding her confidence carries on. "I swear sometimes you're worse than Glen." I don't know who Glen is but he must be a real ass, because Chelsea immediately snap out of her intrusive examination looking a bit affronted.

"I'm sorry Spence. I got a bit carried away." Turning toward me, she adds. "Sorry Ash." She looks so contrite I feel my embarrassment slip away.

"No problem Chelsea we'll chalk it up to artistic license." I give her a smile to let her know I am not upset. I look over at Spencer and she doesn't look as quick to forgive. She has Chelsea squirming from an irritated glare. Wow, and I thought sweet Spencer was unnerving, angry Spencer is giving me tingles in areas should remain unmentioned for propriety sake. If Chelsea's reaction is anything to go by. She is not enjoying being on the other end of the piercing blue gaze.

Chelsea glances down mumbling something about Amy calling her from the kitchen and bolts. I chuckle at the quickness of her retreat.

"Well that was interesting." I say laughing off my embarrassment. "You have a way with Chelsea I've never seen before." I say looking any where, but Spencer waiting for the tingles to subside.

"Yeah." She sighs out. " I should I've known her since high school. I had to find some way to survive her meddling." Spencer lets out a fond chuckle and I look up unable to resist the urge to see her smile.

"Well comparing her to Glen seemed to have done the trick I'll have to thank this Glen some day." Spencer smiles softly and it spreads into a smirk. Wagging her brows flirtatiously.

"So we've just met and you are already asking to meet my family?" She purred. If Spencer's intent was to see me blush she achieved her goal. My cheeks, and chest immediately warmed. Gods she's flirting. Oh if she only knew. I don't think I've ever felt so off kilter around anyone. It is a bit scary, but a good scary the kind that makes you afraid to hope, yet excited at the same time. If I had questioned Spencer's interest in me before now I can safely say that question has been laid to rest. I smile widely at her and I can feel the skin on my nose wrinkle.

"Well, what can I say. I think we established my lack of tact at your party." I say winking. It's her turn to blush. I feel my confidence return. She feels this to.

"And my open appreciation of it." It comes out a bit breathy. My insides give a little squirm. Quickly she regains her composer. "So Ms. Davis, do you have any plans for this Friday?" She questions, voice calm and collected the only sign of nerves is her hand's fidgeting slightly. I notice just before she fixes those baby blues on me again.

"I had planned on inviting this gorgeous blond I just met to a friend's showing. Now I'm afraid that my friend might have ruined my chances of her saying yes." I sigh melodramatically. Her eyes brighten, and she quickly joins in with my playful banter.

"Well you'll never know unless you ask Ash." Spencer says matter of fact. I feel a smile take over my face at the shortening of my name. "I think that this gorgeous. You did say gorgeous didn't you?" I nod my head once, fight off the giggle I feel my body want to give in response to the serious tone in Spencer's voice. " Well I think this gorgeous girl, would be crazy to let something a friend did get in the way of you enjoying her company? Don't you?" Oh my heart flutters. Cocky Spencer just might be my favorite.

"So you think I should go for it then?" I question. Spencer nods and bites her lip in anticipation.

I look around the gallery as if searching pretending to spot my target, I step around Spencer and begin to walk away. Spencer looks confused. Reaching out her hand grasp my fingertips. I feel a jolt run up my arm settling in my chest. Her fingers are so softly holding mine. I stop immediately turning I see a soft smile playing at her lips. " Oh there you are." I say as if I had been searching everywhere. My voice a bit huskier than I intended. She chuckles.

"Spencer Carlin would you do me the honor of accompanying me New Years Eve to Chelsea's showing?" I say formally. Spencer's smile is wide and it seems to brighten up the room. I notice our hands are still joined by the finger tips and acknowledge how odd it must look from an outside perspective. Our arms out stretched as if pulling back from a great distance. I step closer not relinquishing her hand. Instead I hold it more firmly. Running my thumb over the back of it. I feel her give a shiver.

"Well Ms. Davis since you asked so politely I feel I must acquiesce." I don't think I have ever smiled wider than I am at this moment. I have a date with Spencer this Friday despite my own fumbling and Chelsea's meddling. Things are looking up for me. Maybe just maybe. I cut off the thought before it has chance to develop any further. Refusing to put a label on this with expectations. I am just going to enjoy this moment, and the girl causing the nervous excitement building in my chest.

As I leave Doma I feel lighter. Spencer and I have a date. She is meeting me at my place at seven. Apparently the apartment I been to on Christmas Eve is her Brother Glens and his wife Madison that she pointed out at the party. She was staying there until she could find a place of her own. Spencer had only been back in New York for a few months, and hadn't settled on where to live yet. I found out She attended N.Y.U. the same time I had. She had even roomed with Chelsea for one of her four years there, yet we had never introduced to each other. You would think I would at least remember running into her, but when I searched my memory for those beautiful blue eyes I came up blank. Katie said that Spencer was Rachel's friend and yet I know for a fact we had never been introduced when Rache and I were together. Walking up the steps to my apartment my phone begins to play, boys want to be her by Peaches. I pull out my phone hitting send and starting straight into talking about my coffee date with Spencer.

"Yes it went well. We are going to Chelsea's showing on Friday together." I hear an squeal and then Katie speaks.

"Did you where the Chucks?" I pause my action of putting my key in the lock of my door to role my eyes.

"Will you forget about the damn shoes for Christ sake Katie is that all you called for?" I slide the key in and unlock my door.

"No, I called to see how coffee went. You said it went well you have a date. Congrats. Now did you wear the chucks or not?" I scoff setting my purse on the entry way table and walking toward the living room.

"Yes I wore the stupid shoes are you happy now?" Ever since I met Katie she has been a die hard Chuck Taylor fan. She thinks that every lesbian should have a closet full of them, and is convinced that they go with anything. Thank the gods Rachel doesn't share her opinion. I think her forcefulness toward me about wearing chucks might be in response to Rachel recently suggesting that Katie put away the chucks and put on a pair of adult shoes. Perhaps she thinks I will carry the chucks torch now that she has been pussy whipped into wearing sensible shoes.

"Admit it Ash chucks are the bomb. Much better than those boots."

"Yeah, Yeah." I say placating Katie while rounding the corner through the dinning room and throw myself down in my favorite chair in the living room. Ignoring Katie's cries of triumph on the other end of the phone. Then it registers. I get up from my chair shutting my phone and heading to my bedroom. I swing open the door and find Katie standing over my stainless steel garbage can with a match in her hand phone still to her ear. I swear Katie if you drop that match I am going to pull off your eyebrows. Kate's shocked expression turns mischievous.

"The shoe gods demand a sacrifice Ashley, and these ugly boots are just the thing to satisfy them." Katie says dramatically. I take a challenging step forward, and Kate lowers the match stopping my advance.

"Don't do it Katie I am warning you. Those are my favorite shoes." I say the last bit with a distinct wanness in my tone, and give her my best pout.

Without pity she drops the match and I watch in horror as my favorite pair of shoes go up in flame. I am dumbfounded. Did she really just do that. "What the hell Katie?" I step forward attempting to grab the garbage can but she must have doused them in lighter fluid before setting them aflame because the can is to hot to grab. I run for the kitchen fearing that my carpet is going to melt if I don't get the fire out. When I reach the kitchen I find my extinguisher missing. I bolt back toward the bedroom as the fire alarm begins to go off. I reach my bedroom door and Katie is dousing my floor in the foam from the extinguisher. "You are fucking insane." I scream as I grab a stool to silence the alarm. Katie now donning oven mitts ignores me and picks up the trash can heading toward my bedroom balcony.

"Man that was fun." She says as she set the can outside on the balcony, and shuts the door. I look down expecting to see burnt carpet where the garbage can moments before sat. Luckily the carpet is fine except for a three foot circle of spray foam.

"Katie are you using again?" I know it is not nice but it is the only reason I can think of for describing what just took place. I eye her suspiciously.

She laughs like the maniac she is. "No I just really hated those boots." I look at her in disbelief as I wait for my heart beat to return to normal. " Calm down Ash I was prepared. Look the foam wont hurt the carpet. One good steam clean and it's as good as new." I look up at the ceiling and notice the gray smoke lingering.

My room smells like burnt rawhide. I am going to have to wash every thing and sleep in the guest room tonight. A banging at the door snaps me out of my inner pity party, and Katie saunters past me to answer the door. I hear her talking to the doorman explaining that there was no need to call the fire department, and apologizing for setting off the alarm. Satisfied that there wasn't a problem, the doorman left to reset the system and notify the neighbors that everything was okay. Letting out a sigh I head back into the living room and flop back down in my chair. Oh the things that Katie does sometimes.

"Well that was slightly embarrassing." Katie says as if she had just burped during dinner not almost set my apartment on fire. She sits back into the corner of my couch.

"Slightly Katie only slightly?" She gives me a sheepish smile.

"I really hadn't meant for it to be that dramatic, honest Ash if I had known they were going to go smoke like that I would have done it on the balcony." I shot her a glare for destroying my favorite boots and she wiggles in her seat uncomfortably. "I'm am really sorry but you have to admit that was really cool. Who knew leather would go up like that?"

"My room reeks, now Katie. It's going to take days to clean up the mess you created." She has the decency to look regretful for the first time.

"I call someone to have it fixed while we're hanging out today. You'll have your room back sans reek by the time you get home tonight I promise." I feel slightly better at her promise to rectify the situation.

"I have to work tonight I can't hang out for long." I can feel the adrenalin leave my system leaving me drained. "You are also going to buy me a new pair of boots to. You may let Rachel pick your footwear, but I'll be damned if you are picking mine." Taking a deep breath and letting it out Katie hold out her hand.

"Deal." I shake her hand accepting that she really had not intended for the destruction of my favorite footwear to be so dramatic. "Oh by the way I asked Reggie to cover for you tonight. I thought it might be fun if we hung out for the day." I could feel my ire rising again.

"You should have asked Kate."

"I thought I would surprise you, and we could go shopping like we used to before." She didn't finish but I know she was thinking before Rachel. "I miss my best friend." She sticks out her bottom lip it clashes adorably with her high cheek bones and wrinkled brow. The things I do for this girl.

"Alright, alright, enough with the puppy dog eyes. Where are you taking me shopping?" Katie smiles brightly.

"Fifth ave babe where else. Only the best for my best friend. I can't wait to hear all about coffee with Spencer." Katie jumps up from the couch and pulls me from my chair. " Grab what you need, and hide the toys. I'll make a few phone calls and let the door man know to let in the cleaners." I smile turning to my bed room. How had I survived before Katie? She's like the annoying big sister I never wanted but I could never imagine my life without.


End file.
